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o the studio and have a talk No, said Philip. Why not There s nothing to talk about. He saw the pain come into Lawson s eyes, he could not help it, he was sorry, but he had to think of himself he could not bear the thought of discussing his situation, he could endure it only by determining resolutely not to think about it. He was afraid of his weakness if once he began to open his heart. Moreover, he took irresistible dislikes to the places where he had been miserable he remembered the humiliation he had endured when he had waited in that studio, ravenous with hunger, for Lawson to offer him a meal, and germany soccer hoodie the last occasion when he had taken the five shillings off him. He hated the sight of Lawson, because he recalled those days of utter abasement. Then look here, come and dine with me one night. Choose your own evening. Philip was touched with th. e painter s kindness. All sorts of people were strangely kind to him, he thought. It s awfully good of you, old man, but I d rather not. He held out his hand. Good bye. Lawson, troubled by a behaviour which seemed inexplicable, took his hand, and Philip quickly limped away. His heart was heavy and, as was usual with him, he began to reproach himself for what he had done he did not know what madness of pride had made him refuse the offered friendship. But he heard someone running behind him and presently Lawson s voice calling him he stopped and suddenly the feeling of hostility got the better of him he presented to Lawson a cold, set face. What is it I suppose you heard about Hayward, didn t you I know he went to the Cape. He died, you know, soon after landing. For a moment Philip did not answer. He could hardly believe his ears. How he asked. Oh, enteric. Hard luck, wasn t it I thought you mightn t know. Gave me a bit of a turn when I heard it. Lawson nodded quickly and walked away. Philip felt a shiver pass through his heart. 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Cheap Children\'s Arsenal Shirts ed with the world, the disillusion and the disappointment caused by the difference between what it promised to his active imagination and what it gave. But notwithstanding he was able to look at himself from borussia dortmund kit manufacturer the outside and smile with amusement. By Jove, if I weren t flippant, I should hang myself, he thought cheerfully. His mind went back to the answer he had given his uncle when he asked him what he had learnt in Paris. He had learnt a good deal more than he told him. A conversation with Cronshaw had stuck in his memory, and one phrase he had used, a commonplace one enough, had set his brain working. My dear fellow, Cronshaw said, there s no such thing as abstract morality. When Philip ceased to believe in Christianity he felt that a great weight was taken from his shoulders casting off the responsibility which real madrid team jacket weighed down every action, when every action was infinitely important for the welfare of his immortal soul, he experienced a vivid sense of liberty. But he knew now that this was an illusion. When he put away the religion in which he had been brought up, he had kept unimpaired the morality which was part and parcel of it. He made up his mind therefore to think things out for himself. He determined to be swayed by no prejudices. He swept away the virtues and the vices, the established laws of good and evil, with the idea of finding out the rules of life for himself. He did not know whether rules were necessary at all. That was one of the things he wanted to discover. Clearly much that seemed valid seemed so only because he had been taught it from his earliest youth. He had read a number of books, but they did not help him much, for they were based on the morality of Christianity and even the writers who emphasised the fact that they did not believe in it were never satisfied till they had germany second kit framed a system of ethics in accordance with that of the Sermon on the Mount. It seemed hardly worth while to read a long volume in order to learn that you ought to behave exactly like everybody else. Philip wanted to find out how he ought to behave, and he thought he could prevent himself from being influenced by the opinions that surrounded him. But meanwhile he had to go on living, and, until he formed a theory of conduct, he made himself a provisional rule. Follow your inclinations with due regard to the policeman round the corner. He thought the best thing he had gained in Paris was a complete liberty of spirit, and.thority and the fact was disclosed that he was a scholar. With smiling ease, apologetically, Weeks tore to pieces all that Hayward had liverpool football kits through the years said with elaborate civility he displayed the superficiality of his attainments. He mocked him with gentle irony. Philip could not help seeing that Hayward looked a perfect fool, and Hayward had not the sense to hold his tongue in his irritation, his self assurance undaunted, he attempted to argue he made wild statements and Weeks amicably corrected them he reasoned falsely and Weeks proved that he was absurd Weeks confessed that he had taught Greek Literature at Harvard. Hayward gave a laugh of scorn. I might have known it. Of course you read Greek like a schoolmaster, he said. I read it like a poet. And do you find it more poetic when you don t quite know what it means I thought it was only in revealed religion that a mistranslation improved the sense. At last, having finished the beer, Hayward left Weeks room hot and dishevelled with an angry gesture he said to Philip Of course the man s a pedant. He has no real feeling for beauty. Accuracy is the virtue of clerks. It s the spirit of the Greeks that we aim at. Weeks is like that fellow who went to hear Rubenstein and complained that he played false notes. False notes What did they matter when he played divinely Philip, not knowing how many incompetent people have found solace in these false notes, was much impressed. Hayward could never resist the opportunity which Weeks offered him of regaining ground lost on a previous occasion, and Weeks was able with the greatest ease to draw him into a discussion. Though he could not help seeing how small his attainments were beside the American s, his British pertinacity, his wounded vanity perhaps they are the same thing , would not allow him to give up the struggle. Hayward seemed to take a delight in displaying his ignorance, self satisfaction, and wrongheadedness. Whenever Hayward said something which was illogical, Weeks in a few words would show the falseness of his reasoning, pause for a moment to enjoy his triumph, and then hurry on to another subject as though Christian charity impelled him to spare the vanquished foe. Philip tri. ed sometimes to put in something to help his friend, and Weeks gently crushed him, but so kindly, differently from the way in which he answered Hayward, that even Philip, outrageously sensitive, could not feel hurt. Now and then, losing his calm as he felt himself more and more fooli.