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Philip paused for a little while, then he said I don t see why one should believe in God at all. The words were no sooner out of his mouth than he realised that he had ceased to do so. It took his breath away like a plunge into cold water. He looked at Weeks with startled eyes. Suddenly he felt afraid. He left Weeks as quickly as he could. He wanted to be alone. It was the most portugal jersey long sleeve 2019 startling experience that he had ever had. He tried to think it all out it was very exciting, since his whole life seemed concerned he thought his decision on this matter must profoundly affect its course and a mistake might lead to eternal damnation but the more he reflected the more convinced he was and though during the next few weeks he read books, aids to scepticism, with eager interest it was only to confirm him in what he felt instinctively. The fact was that he had ceased to believe not for this reason or the other, but because he had not the religious temperament. Faith had been forced upon him from the outside. It was a matter of environment and example. A new environment and a new example gave him the opportunity to find himself. He put off th. e faith of his childhood quite simply, like a cloak that he no longer needed. At first life seemed strange and lonely without the belief which, though he never realised it, had been an unfailing support. He buy man utd third kit felt like a man who has leaned on a stick and finds himself forced suddenly to walk without assistance. It really seemed as though the days were colder and the nights more solitary. But he was upheld by the excitement it seemed to make life a more.fashionable portrait painter, earn ten thousand a year and be an A. R. A. before he s forty. Portraits done by hand for the nobility and gentry Philip, too, looked into the future, and he saw Clutton in twenty years, bitter, lonely, savage, and unknown still in Paris, for the life there had got into his bones, ruling a small cenacle with a savage tongue, at war with himself and the world, producing little in his increasing buy man utd third kit passion for a perfection he could not reach and perhaps sinking at last into drunkenness. Of late Philip had been captivated by an idea that since one had only one life it was important to make a success of it, but he did not count success by the acquiring of money or the achieving of fame he did not quite know yet what he meant by it, perhaps buy man utd third kit variety of experience and the making the most of his abilities. It was plain anyway that the life which Clutton seemed destined to was failure. Its only justification would be the painting of imperishable masterpieces. He recollected Cronshaw s whimsical metaphor of the Persian carpet he ha. d thought of it often but Cronshaw with his faun like humour had refused to make his meaning clear he repeated that it had none unless one discovered it for oneself. It was this desire to make a success of life which was at the bottom of Philip s uncertainty about continuing his artistic career. But Clutton began to talk again. D you remember my telling you about that chap I met in Brittany I saw him the other day here. He s just off to Tahiti. He was broke to the world. He was a brasseur d affaires, a stockbroker I suppose you call it in English and he had a wife and family, and he was earning a large income. He chucked it all to become a painter. He just went off and settled down in Brittany and began to paint. He hadn t got any money and did the next best thing to starving. And what about his wife and family asked Philip. Oh, he dropped them. He left them to starve on their own account. It sounds a pretty low down thing to do. Oh, my dear fellow, if you want to be a gentleman you must give up being an artist. They ve got nothing to do with one another. You hear of men painting pot boilers to keep an aged mother well, it shows they re excellent sons, but it s no excuse for bad work. They re only tradesmen. An artist would let his mother go to the workhouse. There s a writer I know over here who told me that his wife died in childbirth. He was in love with her and he was mad with grief, but as he.