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He said I must find out for myself, or else the answer meant nothing. chapter 66 Philip worked well and easily he had a good deal to do, since he was taking in July the three parts of the First Conjoint examination, two of which he had failed everton ladies kit in before but he found life pleasant. He made a new friend. Lawson, on the lookout for models, had discovered a girl who was understudying at one of the theatres, and in order to induce her to sit to him arranged a little luncheon party one Sunday. She brought a chaperon with her and to her Philip, asked to make a fourth, was instructed to confine his attentions. He found this easy, since she turned out to be an agreeable chatterbox with an amusing tongue. She asked Philip to go and see her she had rooms in Vincent Square, and was always in to tea at five o clock he went, was delighted with his welcome, and went again. Mrs. Nesbit was not more than twenty five, very small, with a pleasant, ugly face she had very bright eyes, high cheekbones, and a large mouth classic leicester city shirts the excessive contrasts of her colouring reminded one of a portrait by one of the modern French painters her skin was very white, her cheeks were very barcelona fc shirts 2016 red, her thick eyebrows, her hair, were very black. The effect was odd, a little unnatural, but far from unpleasing. She was separated from her husband and earned her living and her child s by writing penny novelettes. There were one or two publishers who made a specialty of that sort of thing, and she had as much work as she could do. It was ill paid, she received fifteen pounds for a story of thirty thousand words but she was satisfied. After al.d no time to read even that and then the sage gave him the history of man in a single line it was this he was born, he suffered, and he died. There was no meaning in life, and man by living served no end. barcelona fc shirts 2016 It was immaterial whether he was born or not born, whether he lived or ceased to live. Life was insignificant and death without arsenal football club t-shirts real madrid jersey online consequence. Philip exulted, as he had exulted in his boyhood when the weight of a belief in God was lifted from his shoulders it seemed to him that the last burden of responsibility was taken from him and for the first time he was utterly free. His insignificance was turned to power, and he felt himself suddenly equal with the cruel fate barcelona fc shirts 2016 which had seemed to persecute him for, if life was meaningless, the w. orld was robbed of its cruelty. What he did or left undone did not matter. Failure was unimportant and success amounted to nothing. He was the most inconsiderate creature in that swarming mass of mankind which for a brief space occupied the surface of the earth and barcelona fc shirts 2016 he was almighty because he had wrenched from chaos the secret of its nothingness. Thoughts came tumbling over one another in Philip matalan liverpool shirts s eager fancy, and he took long breaths of joyous satisfaction. He felt inclined to leap and sing. He had not been so happy for months. Oh, life, he cried in his heart, Oh life, where is thy sting For the same uprush of fancy which had shown him with all the force of mathematical demonstration that life had no meaning, brought with it another idea and that was why Cronshaw, he imagined, had given him the Persian rug. As the weaver elaborated his pattern for no end but the pleasure of his aesthetic sense, so might a man live his life, or if one was forced to believe that his actions were outside his choosing, so might a man look at his life, that it made a pattern. There was as little need to do this as there was use. It was merely something he did for his own pleasure. Out of the manifold events of his life, his deeds, his feelings, his thoughts, he might make a design, regular, elaborate, complicated, or beautiful and though it might be no more than an illusion that he had the power of selection, barcelona fc shirts 2016 though it might be no more than a fantastic legerdemain in which appearances were interwoven with moonbeams, that did not matter it seemed, and so to him it was. In the vast warp of life a river arising from no spring and flowing endlessly to no sea , with the background to his fancies that there was no meaning and that nothing w.
whole thing was a preposterous joke. He had no more than a few coppers left he had sold all the clothes he could do without he had some books and one or two odds and ends upon which he might have got a shilling or two but the landlady was keeping an eye on his comings and goings he was afraid she would stop him if he took anything more from his room. The only thing was to tell her that he could not pay his bill. He had not the courage. It was the middle of June. The night was fine and warm. He made up his mind to stay out. He walked slowly along the Chelsea Embankment because the river was restful and quiet till he was tired and then sat on a bench and dozed. He did not know how long he slept he awoke with a start dreaming that he was being shaken by a policeman and told to move on but when he opened his eyes he found himself alone. He walked on he did not know why and at last came to Chiswick where he slept again. Presently the hardness of the bench roused him. The night seemed very long. He shivered. He was seized with a sense of his misery and he did not know what on earth to do he was ashamed at having slept on the Embankment it seemed peculiarly humiliating and he felt his cheeks flush in the darkness. He remembered stories he had heard of those who did and how among them were officers clergymen and men who had been to universities he wondered if he would become one of them standing in a line to get soup from a charitable institution. It would be much better to commit suicide. He could not go on like that Lawson would help him when he knew what straits he was in it. was absurd to let his pride prevent him from asking for assistance. He wondered why he had come such a cropper. He had always tried to do what he thought best and everything had gone wrong. He had helped people when he could he did not think he had been more selfish than anyone else it barcelona fc shirts 2016 seemed horribly unjust that he should be reduced to such a pass. But it was no good thinking about it. He walked on. It was now light the river was beautiful in the silence and there was something mysterious in the early day it was going to be very fine and the sky pale in the dawn was cloudless. He felt very tired and hunger was gnawing at his entrails but he could not sit still he was constantly afraid of being spoken to by a policeman. He dreaded the mortification of that. He felt dirty and wished he could have a wash. At last he found himself at Hampton Court. He felt that if he did not hav.hether he could ignore her and read his book. At last he left Heidelberg. For three months he had been thinking of nothing but the future and he went without regret. He never knew that he had been happy there. Fraulein Anna gave him a copy of Der Trompeter von Sackingen and in return he presented her with a volume of William Morris. Very wisely neither of them ever read the other s present. chapter 32 Philip was surprised when he saw his uncle and aunt. He had never noticed before that they were quite old people. The Vicar received him with his usual, not unamiable indifference. He was a little stouter, a little balder, a little grayer. Philip saw how insignificant he was. His face was weak and self indulgent. Aunt Louisa took him in her arms and kissed him and tears of happiness flowed down her cheeks. Philip was touched and embarrassed he had not known with what a hungry love she cared for him. Oh, the time has seemed long since you ve been away, Philip, she cried. She stroked his hands and looked into his face with new liverpool kits leaked glad eyes. You ve grown. You re quite a man now. There was a very small moustache on his upper lip. He had bought a razor and now and then with infinite care shaved the down off his smooth chin. We ve been so lonely without you. And then shyly, with a little break in her voice, she asked You are glad to come back to your home, aren t you Yes, rather. She was so thin that she seemed almost transparent, the arms she put round his neck were frail bones that reminded you of chicken bones, and her faded face was oh so wrinkled. The gray curls which she still wore in the fashion of her youth gave her a queer, pathetic look and. her little withered body was like an autumn leaf, you felt it might be blown away by the first sharp wind. Philip realised that they had done with life, these two quiet little people they belonged to a past generation, and they were waiting there patiently, rather stupidly, for death and he, in his vigour and his youth, thirsting for excitement and adventure, was appalled at the waste. They had done nothing, and when they went it would be just as if they had never been. He felt a great pity for Aunt Louisa, and he loved her suddenly because she loved him. Then Miss Wilkinson, who had kept discreetly out of the way till the Careys had had a chance of welcoming their nephew, came into the room. 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